Posted by: Kaushik | February 27, 2009

Did I upset you now?

A friend was busy telling me yesterday not to get upset if she didn’t stay in touch as often as I expected her to. It got me thinking and further conversation with a Xavierite friend confirmed the ‘easily upset’ tag. Apparently, she was telling me how I would be so upset sometimes in class and she’d asked me what the matter was and I’d reply saying I didn’t want to talk about it. She’s probably right on that front. 3rd year was rather upsetting in a lot of respects and it came to a rather ignonimous end with Shadow dying.

There’s this real diffidence and reluctance to see your faults and even own up to them. I’m of course no stranger to the above :). I know I get upset easily. When i get criticized, when people doubt my abilities and of course I suppose when friends let me down. But the sole upside is it doesn’t take much to get me happy. A nice song can transform a day in a matter of minutes.

But then the question of expectations rears it’s ugly head. How rational are one’s expectations? I know for one, expectations have really been revised drastically downwards after my stint in the Lawn-don. As cliched as it may sound, I changed my views a lot in the Lawn-don. Of course, there are certain friends whom you have more expectations of. But then again is that warranted even? All relationships are seldom equal. Be it platonic, sexual or whatever. 9 times out of ten, the relationship usually means more to one person than the other.

In the past, my pride might have made me bristle at the so called lack of keeping in touch ability of some of my friends. I’ve worked on that over the years and things are a lot better these days.

This last month has been such a roller coaster of emotion. Despair, sadness, grief, anticipation, celebration, dread, guilt and acceptance. I want to go to sleep and pretend all this never happened.

But, at the end of the day given all these events and occurences, expectations don’t matter. Life goes on and at this point in time, I’m just too tired to get upset..

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Responses

  1. awwwwwww!


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